Frequently Asked Questions | Understory Singapore

FAQs

What is Understory and how does it work?

Understory is a curated singles introduction experience in Singapore, run by an accredited relationship therapist. Before any event takes place, the therapist speaks personally with every applicant, reads their application with clinical care, and builds each cohort with genuine clinical consideration. The evening is small, facilitated with intention, and the matching that follows is handled privately and only when mutual interest is expressed.

How is Understory different from dating apps in Singapore?

Dating apps in Singapore were designed to generate matches, not compatibility. They surface who is available and attractive. They have no way of knowing whether two people have what it takes to actually build something together.
Understory starts before the room.
A relationship therapist speaks with every applicant personally, drawing on frameworks grounded in decades of relationship science — the same research that informs how therapists understand attachment, emotional connection, and what makes relationships last. From those conversations, the room is built. The difference is not the format. It is the expertise behind every decision, from the first conversation to the final introduction.

How is Understory different from speed dating or singles events in Singapore?

Speed dating gives you three minutes and a bell. Enough time to form an impression, not enough to form a real one. The room is random. The process is identical for everyone. Nothing about it was designed with you specifically in mind.
Understory is the opposite. The people in the room were chosen deliberately. The conversations are facilitated. The matching after is private and mutual. A relationship therapist is present throughout — not as a host, but as someone who built the room and is paying attention to what happens inside it.

How is Understory different from other matchmaking services in Singapore?

Most matchmaking services in Singapore work from a database of profiles, matching people on stated preferences. The assumption is that if enough boxes are ticked, connection will follow. Years of evidence suggests it usually does not.
Understory works from a different premise entirely. Every applicant speaks personally with an accredited relationship therapist before any decision is made. The therapist reads for things a checklist cannot surface — how you attach, how you handle difficulty, how emotionally available you actually are, and who you might genuinely work with. The room is built from that clinical read, not from a database query.
This is not matchmaking as it has been done in Singapore. It is matchmaking as it should be.

How does the selection process work at Understory?

Every applicant completes an application form designed to surface what a profile never could. They then speak personally with our relationship therapist before any decision is made. The process draws on established clinical frameworks grounded in decades of research into how people attach, how they connect, and what they genuinely need to build something real.
We do not share specific criteria. What we are looking for cannot be reduced to a list — it emerges from a real conversation, and it is as much about how someone shows up as what they say. The process works best when people arrive as themselves, not as a version of themselves they think we want to see.

Will I be told why I was not accepted?

We do not share the reasons behind our decisions. What we can tell you is that every decision is made with care, and it is never a reflection of who you are or what you are worth.
Everyone who applies will be informed of our decision directly via WhatsApp. You will not be left wondering.

Can I reapply if I was not accepted?

Yes. If you attended a previous event — whether or not a connection came of it — simply reach out directly via WhatsApp. You already know us and we already know you. We will take it from there.
If you were not accepted previously, you are welcome to reapply through the full application process after six months.

What actually happens at an Understory event?

The evening runs for approximately two hours at an intimate private venue in central Singapore. Who you speak with, and when, is not left to chance. The same care taken during your intake conversation carries through to how the evening is designed and who you are placed in conversation with. There is enough structure to make real conversation possible, and enough space for something unplanned to happen.
The therapist is present throughout as someone who has built the room and is paying attention to what happens inside it.
The evening does not end when you leave the room. Within 48 hours you will receive a private mutual interest form via WhatsApp. You name anyone you felt a genuine connection with.
Within 72 hours, if two people named each other, the therapist introduces them personally. Nothing is shared without your consent.
On the rare occasion that an attendee does not show up, our therapist steps in briefly during one of the conversation segments to ensure nobody is without a conversation partner.

What are the actual steps from signing up to the end of an Understory event?

You fill in an application form here.
If you indicated in your application that you are open to a private individual introduction, your profile will also be considered for this independently of any event. This is entirely at the therapist's discretion and cannot be requested.
If your application reflects the qualities we are looking for, you will be invited to a brief conversation with our relationship therapist.
The call is a conversation, not an interview. It usually takes about 15 to 25 minutes.
A decision is made within 3 to 5 business days. You will hear back either way.
If you are accepted, a deposit invoice of $50 is issued. This confirms your place in the applicant pool.
If no event or private introduction has occurred within one year of your deposit payment, you may request a full refund of your deposit if you choose not to remain in the applicant pool for continued consideration of future cohorts.
Once the cohort is fully formed, a poll will be sent to every individual to identify the date that works for everyone.
A second invoice for the balance of $200 will be issued.
Payment is expected within 48 hours. Upon full payment, your spot is secured.
You receive the event details, including date, time, and venue.
On the evening, you are welcomed into a group that was built with intention.
The evening has both structured and open time.
48 hours after the event, you receive a private mutual interest form.
If there is a match, both people are introduced. If there is no match, nothing is shared.
You are welcome to reach out to the therapist directly after the event if you have questions.

There is an option in the application form about a private individual introduction. What is it, and what does it involve?

The application form includes an optional checkbox asking whether you are open to being considered for a private individual introduction. This is separate from the group event pathway and is entirely at the therapist's discretion.
It cannot be requested and is not offered to every applicant.
Here is what it looks like if it happens:
If the therapist identifies a particularly strong match between two applicants who have both consented to this option, she will reach out to both parties separately to let them know. If both agree to proceed, the balance of $200 is due from each party before the introduction takes place. This brings your total payment to $250 — the same as the group event pathway. The introduction is facilitated through a private WhatsApp group, with a set of guided conversation questions to help both parties move past the surface and into something more real. The therapist remains present in the early stage of the exchange before stepping back.

After the introduction, if things do not work out, you have a 3month window to re-enter the group event process at a discounted rate. If you choose to, reach out to us via WhatsApp within that 3 month window.
The re-entry fee is $100 — $50 at the point of re-entry and $50 when a cohort is confirmed for you. If you do not reach out within three months, you exit the pool and would need to restart the full application process if you wish to apply again in future.

If the other party withdraws before the introduction takes place and after you have paid, your $200 is refunded in full and you are automatically returned to the group event pool, where your $50 deposit continues to hold your place.
When a cohort is confirmed for you, the standard $200 balance applies.

This is not a standard offering. Most applicants will move through the group event pathway. But for those who consent to it, it represents the same care and clinical consideration that goes into every other part of the process — just applied more directly.

What should I wear to an Understory event?

Smart casual. The venues are intimate and considered. You do not need to dress formally but the evening warrants some care.

Can I bring a friend to Understory?

No. Understory is a personal experience. Every person in the room applied individually and was assessed individually. Bringing a companion changes the dynamic in ways that are not fair to everyone else.

Do I need to prepare anything before the event?

No. The meaningful preparation has already happened — through your application and your intake conversation. Arrive as yourself. That is all that is asked of you.

Where are Understory events held in Singapore?

Events are held at intimate, private venues in central Singapore — considered spaces that feel warm and unhurried rather than corporate or loud. The exact venue is shared with confirmed attendees ahead of the evening.

How does the matching work after an Understory event?

After every event, each attendee receives a private mutual interest form via WhatsApp. You name anyone you felt a genuine connection with during the evening. There is no limit — name one person or several. Only name someone if you mean it. We reserve the right to use our discretion if the form does not reflect genuine consideration.
If two people name each other, the therapist introduces them personally. All matching is handled privately. Nothing is shared without your consent.

What if I want to leave with someone on the night?

That is entirely your choice. The mutual interest process exists so that nobody has to navigate that conversation in the room. But two adults who have already made a decision are free to make it.

How much does Understory cost and when do I pay?

The total fee for the full Understory experience is $250. Payment happens in two steps:
When you are accepted — after the therapist has spoken with you and confirmed your application — a non-refundable deposit of $50 is collected. This holds your place in the applicant pool while the right cohort is being formed for you.
When the cohort is fully formed and the date confirmed, the remaining $200 is due within 48 hours. Your place is not held beyond that window.
You will not be asked to pay anything at the application stage or during your intake conversation as that is before confirmation.

Is the Understory fee refundable?

The $50 deposit is non-refundable in most circumstances. The one exception is this: if one year has passed from the date of your deposit payment and no event or private introduction has been made available to you, you have the option of requesting for a full refund of your deposit. You also have the option to remain in the applicant pool beyond the one year mark if you prefer to continue waiting - we continue holding your space by default.
The $200 balance is non-refundable once paid, except in the case of a private introduction where the other party withdraws before the introduction takes place, in which case the $200 is refunded in full.

How is the event date decided?

Once the cohort is fully formed, we send a short availability poll via WhatsApp to every confirmed attendee. You indicate which Saturdays in the upcoming month work for you — please select all that are possible, not just your first preference so that the event can take place sooner than later and everyone stands the best chance of attending the event. The event date is set based on the strongest overlap across the cohort. You will be notified of the confirmed date before any payment is due.

What happens if the event is postponed?

On rare occasions we may postpone an event if we are unable to form a cohort that meets our standards or due to unforeeable circumstances. Confirmed attendees are notified promptly and their place is held for the rescheduled date.
We will never run an event simply to meet a calendar deadline.

Is there an age limit?

We are only able to receive applicants who are at least 21 years of age at the point of application.

Does Understory run events for the LGBTQ+ community in Singapore?

As we are just starting out, Understory events are currently designed for heterosexual singles only. We hope to expand this in future.

Can I keep attending Understory events until I find the right person?

Yes. Understory is not a one-shot experience. If you attended a previous event and did not find a connection, simply reach out via WhatsApp — a lighter follow-up conversation replaces the full intake process. If you attended and found a connection that did not work out over time, reach out via WhatsApp and we will have a real conversation before deciding on next steps. If you were not accepted previously, wait six months then reach out.
If it has been more than a year since your last application or event, or if something significant has shifted in you, we will send you a fresh application to complete.
In all cases, everything goes through WhatsApp. You will never need to find your way back to the website on your own.

I went to an Understory event and met someone but it didn't work out. Can I come back?

Yes. Finding a connection that ultimately does not work out is not a reason to close the door — it is part of the process. Reach out via WhatsApp when you feel ready.
We will have a real conversation before placing you in another cohort. If it has been more than a year since your last event, or if you feel you have changed significantly, we will ask you to complete a fresh application.
We want to work with who you are today, not who you were then.

Can I refer a friend to Understory?

Yes. Share the application link with them directly: www.understory.sg/apply. Every application is reviewed individually regardless of how someone heard about us.

Is my information kept private at Understory?

Everything shared during your application, your intake conversation, and the matching process is held in strict confidence. Nothing is shared without your consent.

Who is the relationship therapist behind Understory Singapore?

Rene Tan is an experienced relationship therapist in Singapore with a Masters of Counselling from Monash University. Attachment theory is the foundation of her clinical practice. Part of her professional training includes Gottman Method — one of the most extensively researched frameworks in relationship science and other couples counselling modalities. She maintains an active private practice in Singapore, working with individuals on the relational patterns that shape their lives. You can read more about her here.

How do I know the selection process is rigorous and not just arbitrary?

The process draws on established clinical frameworks used in relationship therapy — frameworks built on decades of research into attachment, emotional connection, and what makes relationships last.
The application form, the intake conversation, the way the cohort is assembled — each step was designed with clinical intention.
We do not publish the specific methodology because doing so would compromise the integrity of the process.
What we can tell you is that every decision is made carefully, by someone who has spent years understanding how people connect — and what gets in the way.

How do I apply for an Understory event in Singapore?

Through the application form here. The form takes approximately 20 to 30 minutes to complete. The more honestly you answer, the better we can consider who belongs across from you.

How long does the phone conversation with the relationship therapist take?

Approximately 15 to 25 minutes. It is a real conversation, not a checklist. You do not need to prepare anything — just show up as yourself.

How long does the whole process take from application to attending an event?

Once you submit your application, we aim to be in touch within 3 to 5 business days. If you are accepted, the intake conversation happens shortly after.
From there, the timeline depends on how long it takes to form the right cohort — it could be weeks or a few months. We will keep you informed throughout.

I applied but haven't heard back — what should I do?

Everyone who applies will be informed of the outcome directly via WhatsApp within 3 to 5 business days. If you have not heard from us after that window, feel free to reach out to us.

I just broke up — is it too soon to apply to Understory?

It depends less on how much time has passed and more on where you are with it. Someone can be two years out of a relationship and still completely unprocessed. Someone else can be six months out and genuinely ready — because the relationship had been ending long before it formally did. The line worth paying attention to is this: if you are still consumed by the last relationship — replaying it, hoping to fill the space it left — this is probably not the right moment. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you would not be doing yourself or anyone else in the room a fair service. If you are genuinely curious about what comes next and ready to be present with someone new, apply. The intake conversation will help you figure out where you are.

Do I need to have done therapy or counselling to attend Understory?

No. Understory is not therapy and attending does not require any therapeutic background. The process is clinically informed — meaning the intake, the evening, and the matching are all grounded in relationship science — but you experience it simply as a considered, well-run evening with people who were chosen carefully. What matters is not whether you have sat in a therapist's office. It is whether you are honest, open, and genuinely ready to meet someone.

I am shy or introverted — is Understory right for me?

Yes. The evening was designed with this in mind. The structure, the questions, the way conversations are facilitated — all of it was built to create conditions where depth emerges naturally, without anyone needing to perform or compete for attention.
What determines compatibility is not how much space someone takes up in a room. It is the capacity to connect, to be honest, and to be genuinely present with another person. Introversion has no bearing on any of those things.

I am an expat in Singapore — can I attend Understory?

Yes. Understory is open to anyone based in Singapore, regardless of nationality. What matters is that you are here, you are ready, and you are looking for something real. The one thing worth being honest about is your timeline.
If you are on a short-term contract and likely to leave Singapore within the year, that is worth naming in your application — not because it disqualifies you, but because it is relevant context for the people you might meet.

What does being waitlisted mean?

Being waitlisted means your application was strong but the timing or cohort composition was not quite right for this particular event.
We will reach out personally when a cohort opens up that feels like the right fit. You do not need to reapply — we have everything we need.

How long will I wait for an event after I am accepted?

Events are scheduled when a strong enough cohort has formed. We do not run an evening until we are confident the room is right — which means we do not rush the process to fill seats.
When a cohort is ready, accepted applicants receive an availability poll via WhatsApp. That poll is your signal that an event with you as an attendee is forming.

If one year has passed from the date of your deposit payment and you have not received a poll or a private introduction to someone, you have two options. You may request a full refund of your $50 deposit if you choose not to continue waiting. Or you may choose to remain in the applicant pool for continued consideration of future cohorts (by default). Do reach out if you have questions then - we would rather have that conversation than have you waiting without clarity.